The Soul’s Compass
I was taught that a dream career would bring happiness. I believed that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and pushed through the tears and the loneliness, I would finally arrive at a place of peace. I chased my dream of becoming an airline pilot with a fire in my soul, pouring my whole heart into a life that was meant to be mine.
I’ve cried myself to sleep from the stress, balancing three jobs plus college and flight school just to keep the dream alive. Coming from a family that some days barely made it by, I watched my parents lose it all, one month away from us being homeless. That fear lived in my bones and became my ultimate drive, a quiet determination that failure was never an option. I also had to deal with the bitterness of a family members torment and abuse, not to mention jealousy, caused by their own misfortunes. I tried to dim my light, keeping secret about my successes, so they wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable. Not realizing at the time, we are all meant to shine.
The stress was making me sick—five doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I had no other choice but to make the decision between paying bills or eating. I lost the high credit score I worked so hard for, and it took me four years to regain it and rebuild myself. Every drop of blood, sweat, and tears was an offering to this dream, a testament to a spirit that refused to give up, no matter the cost.
A Different Kind of Struggle
The hard work paid off. I had finally arrived. And with that arrival came a new, unsettling feeling—I didn’t know how to handle the success. Coming from a family with so much struggle, having money in my pocket and the ability to travel the world felt foreign. It was a life I saw in movies, not one I ever imagined for myself. It felt so undeserved after seeing the struggles my parent went through. New achievements may require you to leave your comfort zone, take on greater responsibilities, or become more visible, which can feel overwhelming. It was like finally completing a long, long flight, getting to your destination, but having no idea where you are.
People I had known for years began looking at me differently. I was the same person, but to them I was a “superstar”.
The demands of the job and being gone from home so much gave way to a quiet resentment that began to creep in. The constant demands of work became a high strung feeling that made it hard to be present, and the love I had for flight began to feel like a beautiful part of my heart that was being torn apart by the very career it belonged to. It was in this journey that I found the love of my life, a beautiful human who understood what I was going through.
The Return to Self
Living in a crash-pad day in and day out ultimately taught me how to handle disappointments, but depression began to creep in. I was isolated and lonely, living in a different state, away from family and friends. I felt myself losing the ability to feel, becoming so numb that the tears wouldn’t even come. The demands of the job, on a cellular level, felt like they were chipping away at my true self.
For a moment, the universe forced me to stop. A dislocated knee was the blessing in disguise that gave me the time to unwind and become me again. I unraveled all the layers of stress and came back to my truth. I was happy, free, loving, silly, and playful again. I got to reconnect with myself, my family, and the friendships that matter most. And that’s where my soul split in two. I am so deeply proud of the person who fought to get here, who pushed through fears and found a community where I finally belonged. And I am so in love with the person I discovered in the stillness—the person who craves togetherness, love, and a community built on a deeper purpose.
I am torn between the career that was a part of my identity and the person it was tearing apart to become who I was meant to be. The guilt of leaving so soon after everything I did to achieve it, is a heavy weight. My heart and soul were poured into this dream, and now they are calling me to a new one: to make a difference in people’s lives and to create a community that reminds people how to feel.
This isn’t a story about regret. It’s a story of becoming. It’s a story about the messy truth of life, about finding the courage to honor the person you were always meant to be.